Well I have been waiting a while to write a new post until the job stuff became official and I knew we were going to be moving, but then once we found out Jason got the job life became incredibly busy and I haven't really had any time to blog, so here I am, 6 weeks later, all moved in to our new house, and everyone already knows our business.
Life is exciting, however, I will be the first to admit that life was hard when we first moved in. I knew before we moved and when I was so excited to get my life started that it wouldn't be as grand as I was making it up to be in my mind. Are you ever fully satisfied or is it always the future that seems to be so much more satisfying than the present? I knew I would be a little homesick, but I knew nothing of what homesickness was. When we finally moved into our ginormous house, it felt way to huge compared to the close quarters we had been living in for the past 2 1/2 years. We had too much open space. Jason and I felt really weird about it. I had felt really good about moving here and about the fact that everything had seemed to fall right into our laps. We had no trouble getting the job, getting a car, getting a house, getting a fridge, etc... but then when we got here, it was all thrown right into my face and I was confused. I didn't know if we had made the right decision or the wrong decision. I couldn't figure out the root of my problem. I didn't know if moving to another house would make me happy, or if I needed to move to Fresno and Jason could commute, and that would make me happy, or if it was a money issue because our rent isn't as low as we would like it to be, or what exactly was bothering me. I figured it out on the first Sunday we were here. We went to church, and definitely didn't love it. I was thinking that everything would be okay once we went to church; that there would be park days and welcoming people all over to just come up to us and we would immediately feel like we fit in somewhere. Well it was a huge let down. We got there and the opening prayer was said in spanish, half the people were singing in spanish, and one of the talks was given in spanish and translated into english. Then with tears in my eyes I brought Z to nursery where he seemed to do really well, but still I didn't want to be there. No one said anything about park day or any kind of girl get together days. So I went home more depressed than ever in my life. After the kids' naps, we decided to go to a park that we had gone to when we first moved in a few days back. It was about 5 o'clock, and it was hot, overcast and muggy. So we're playing, and up walks this couple with their 3 kids. I had seen this guy in the foyer with a couple of his kids and so I figured they were in our ward, so we went up to them and asked them if they were in our ward and they said they were in the other ward that meets in that building. They said they had just moved out of that ward and they didn't care for it as much as the ward they were in now. So I told her about our experience and how no one had really invited us to any park groups or anything and she said that they had park days, girls nights, book club, you name it and that I should come because their park group was pretty small. What a load off! I felt 85% happier after meeting her. I don't think I even shed another tear. I still felt homesick, don't get me wrong, but it was the beginning of a new healing. I ended up going to a girls night that Tuesday, which turned out to be more fun than I thought it would be seeing as I was new and I didn't know anyone, and then from there on out we had several park days, swim days, and book club most recently. I have really been enjoying myself. I have since gone to a couple park days with my own ward, which have also been really great, and it's really fun to get to know new people.
But I just want to say that I believe God is always watching out for us. I knew it was the right thing to move here, but I had lost sight of that in all my misery, and I prayed (and even got a blessing from Jason) that I would be happy again and not feel so despairing because I was sure I couldn't take even one more day of feeling that way. And when I was in my darkest hole, as usual, God helped me out. He sent me that family at the park that day. I know he did. And since then, life has only gotten better. I finally feel like this is becoming our home. Whether we end up here long term or if we move back to Santa Cruz in a couple years, as long as it's where we are supposed to be then I know it will end up being great.
I feel like Jason and I are both growing spiritually and finally we are growing together as a couple again. It felt like we had taken a big long break when we moved into my parents house. We've almost had to get to know each other again but it's coming along. And we are figuring out who we are as a family. Also I am really thoroughly enjoying being a mom (as I sit here and snap at Z to be patient, "I am almost done!" haha). I love to clean up the house and make it homey and make dinners and make breakfast and whipped cream and baked stuff and all manner of delicious treats. Z is really coming out of his shell. He's much more outgoing and is making friends really easily. He seems to be adjusting the best out of all of us. Life is really great. Some days I feel like I could stay here forever and be happy. Only time will tell what's right for us, but I know we will end up where we are supposed to be in the end. God has a plan for every one of us. We just need to find out what it is and that alone should make us happier than anything else. THE END.
